Truth hurts, but so does Lies

This week gonna be packed with activities, and I know I'll be sleep deprived once again. :/
So, this is gonna be how things would be.
Monday - dental, Tp submission of enrolment doc, movie, home.
Today was work, and home for a super long nap.
Wed - dental, dance, probably dinner then home.
Thursday - Probably my only free day, for now. No plans yet.
Friday - Meet up with Sibing, YiLing, Stella & Peixian. ^^ It's been such a long time since we've met.
Sat - Breakfast with Shafeeq ( Since he asked me out again, LOL. ), And then work together.
Sun- Swimming, and work again.
I hardly have time to sit down and rest my legs, much less talk about sleeping. Seriously, I pity myself. :x
But of course, end of the mth when the pay comes in, we'll forget about our hardships and start rewarding ourselves by spending money on things we want. For this, I need to learn and discipline myself save more instead of spending. Money is important and essential. :)
So, I slept late last night and woke up earlier for work because I was feeling way too hungry. But sadly, I took too long to shower and ended up having too little time to grab my doughnut for breakfast before work. Felt so sleepy on my way to work, so I decided to get breakfast before walking to store. And it so happen, there isnt any food that looked tempting enough so I headed to store after wasting 5mins. :/ Ended up, I made a wise decision! Bought a can of soyabean from my store's vending machine to last me the whole morning. Thank God I didnt pass out from being starved.

Today, work was a sad day for me because I wasnt close to anyone who I would like to strike conversations with, maybe except a few, say three? And to add on to that, I was assigned to do plan today, and I almost couldnt complete without Peiling's help. But was feeling demoralized somehow, because I knew I could do this all alone at a faster speed. I shall be better next time. But then again, my plan was horribly happening. Zixian must have thought I was a goddess, to multi-task and complete everything within say, 2hrs. Even Peiling was shocked after checking my plan, saying that Zixian thought that I'm a superwoman. We wished we were, ha. :/ Been really stressed with work pressure and expectations but its for my good. Hope I'll hold on long enough to get through this. Had lunch tgt with Peiling. I miss her so much yet she'll be going Hk soon for a week. Bon voyage girl. :') And then, I waited for Shafeeq and made him spend his 1/2 hr break telling me what's wrong with him. You know, sometimes its just about mind-reading. Noticed he was really quiet, though he started work in the afternoon, he didnt make that effort to say 'Hi' to me, though I walked past him a few times at the shopfloor / SR. Started to feel really weird and approach him. As much as I sounded really informal by saying : Hey buddy, what time is your break? All he went was : Hi, err 2.30pm. Decided that there was something really wrong but he said he was alright. And when I checked my twitter and saw his sad tweets, I was like : I knew it! Shall not elaborate what happened to him, but hope he feels better after letting it out to me. He is one friend I will definitely be willing to spend time on, because though we only knew each other for maybe 2mths, he had been the one that was supportive and always concerning at work, and in my private life. That someone that genuinely cares, thanks buddy! Now I'm excited for breakfast with him on sat. I need more of these good friends. Ok, abrupt ending, Life is not great, but I'll survive. Bye. xx

I'm going crazyyyyy

Some updates before I head to bed, just to fill this empty space while I can before life starts to get too busy for me to handle. :/ Spent my saturday morning with Darren at a ulu music store in Aljunied. It had been so long since I seen this cute junior of mine. :X Arrived at the music store at 12, and we took close to 2hrs in there. Watched Darren test few different models of mouthpieces, and most are good. Ended up having a headache of which mouthpiece to pick, as we wanted to pick one thats good and worth the money. Finally, he decided to wait till his tutor is available to give him some advice on which one to get, so we ended up getting reeds. :) 

At 2pm, I left for city hall and met my sister for lunch. Headed to sushi express first because I was too hungry. :X Started taking and filling the table with plates of sushi. And the main reason why I went to have sushi buffet, was because I dont know how and who to express to, my unhappiness so I decided to just eat and keep all these things to myself. I actually prefer to be alone walking in the streets, listening to music that express my feelings towards something in the exact way I'm feeling at that moment. I know I'm weird, but well, that's me. So, I gave directions to my sister and finally she arrived and joined me for some sushi eating. And my sister agreed that the food was good. :) Paid for the meal and left for some shopping at town, until it was already 6pm.

Headed home to shower and charge my phone before leaving my house for Kel's advanced celebration @ airport astons. Had fun taking random retarded pictures, and had some heart talks over our meal before cake cutting and left airport at 11.30am and reached home close to 12am. Mad tired for the day.
Had work on Sunday from 12pm-11.15pm. Mentioned in my previous post, I'm thankful for Ran getting food for me in the morning and at night. Couldnt control my craving for starbucks coffee, so I dragged Lynn for it after closing and sat down for quite awhile before accompanying her to the inter for her last bus. Sent her off before walking under the rain to the bus stop. If I didnt have anything with me, I would definitely stand under the rain for an hour. ): Too many things on my mind, really sick of my life. Like seriously, just give me a break. Reached home and showered. Thought of sleeping but ended up watching tv and dream high 2 on the laptop. Thank you Shafeeq for staying up the whole night with me, texting. :) He's such a nice friend! So spent the whole night/morning this way and finally left house for work without sleep. Felt that I was floating, and in my own world already! :/ Anyhow, still met up with Weiyi and Edna for seoul garden and movie before going home for a good sleep at night! Dont know how I survived the day without sleep, but either way I still had fun meeting up with them. They really made my day with all their jokes and funny faces about somethings. Thanks girls. Hope I'll meet them up soon again. Our next outing - Mr Lorax. Till then, more good days to come! xx

So, I'm gonna wake up early in the morning tmr, to complete my check up before heading for breakfast with my colleagues. Plan - breakfast, cycling at east coast, sushi buffet. It will be a good day, and our farewell to Soon Liang as he will be entering NS. So gonna miss talking to him. well wishes. :) I'll try to take more pictures and then, spam my blog with it. Lastly, hope Trysha dearest get well soon and have a good overseas trip! Goodnight people. xoxo

Snap and Vanish

Sorry readers, I'm here to post how I'm feeling again. I guess this empty space is the only way I can feel better after writing somethings that I cant get advice on. ):
So yesterday, I found out somethings that had ruined my mood. I've always been wondering, why did that person do that, and had the nerve to talk about it. Its tough to understand humans sometimes. I wished I just had the power to mind-read someone as and when I want to. Then, people wouldnt start judging. If only things were that simple, life will be good. And something I wished wouldnt happen, happened. When I found out, I wanted to run away so badly and throw my phone straight into the windows of the train.
I wished I didnt see the text, I wished I didnt know about how someone felt, I wished I didnt exist and, I really dont know how to face all these. The fact that I've been hinting how I feel towards certain things, was an indirect message to you. You didnt get it, and by doing this, it only made me feel worse and frustrated. :/ I wanted things to be simple, but I dont have any idea how to put things across properly to you, and to save this friendship, without all the awkwardness. Sigh, if only someone understands me well enough, and help me with all these things that had been on my mind for the whole damn day at work. I swear I needed a hug so badly, and just break down for once. But I kept it to myself.
Somehow, Shafeeq as a close friend, was able to tell that I was feeling so troubled at work, he left me alone during tidying in the night. I clearly knew that he was all along keeping his eye on me, though he didnt talk to me much the whole night, letting me have my own breathing space. Thanks buddy!^^
And Ran was being such a sweet brother for the day! He texted me if I wanted breakfast and he paid for it, so I wouldnt skip breakfast before work. He knows that I dont have my meals regularly! :X Went for lunch break together at East link, and bumped into PeiLing. Paid for Ran's lunch, and I think he didnt even realised it because he was too busy texting away, as usual. Managed to find seats, so three of us had lunch there instead of heading back to the staff room and had a good chat over our meal. :) Work was quite alright today, only that my throat hurts badly. :X Finally, had second break, together with Ran again. Got each a cup bubble tea and went to subway. Because I was being such a little girl saying I just want to munch on subway cookies, Ran bought the meal so I could have his cookies. Took out some money to pay him, but he insisted on paying for it. Thanks to Ran for listening to me during breaks today, I feel much better. Hope I have more shifts together with him. He is definitely someone who understands me well. Thank God for all my good friends. For times like this, maybe running in the rain will wake me up. ):
I'm supposed to be sleeping right now, and I'm awake typing all these when I'm having work in the morning which is approx 2hrs to the time I need to wake up. Maybe, its time to crashhhh. Goodnight!

Hello to myself

Just here to say, I'm tired of these guys in my life. I want a guy friend, and have no conflicting feelings with. I wouldnt want to come to an ending with someone falling in love with me. Simply because, relationships are hard to handle, rejection would only break the heart, and I wouldnt want to do all these which will then, affect friendships. So, just be nice as a friend and not talk about the others for I'll never want go into relationships. Sorry to say, but because of so many things that happened, I think it would be best this way. At least to me. I just hope I'll have true good friends that will care for me, not because they have feelings for me.
To people who wished that someone gets together with me ?
Thanks, but no thanks. And you, just put your mind in liking that girl, and stop asking my friends about me. Dont have to show concern after what you did, because I know the truth. All that you've said, I wondered if its even truthful. But its okay, because as long as I dont see you, everyday will pass fast and good. And dont text me just because you need help. I'm not 911. Go find a better life-saver. I dont wanna care about you, so I suggest you shouldnt waste your time to even talk to me anymore.

Maybe all I need is a little hope.

Love count

I wake up everyday with dark eye circles, and probably single eyelids due to being sleep deprived. My dark eye circles are bad to the extent, my dad thought someone punched my eye one morning. My dad's too cute.
The only few good things that are happened recently was I managed to catch up on my korean / Hk dramas on my off days. For someone who loves watching dramas, I spend my whole day watching all my favourite shows. :) Work was pretty much a breeze since I dont see some backstabbers on weekdays. Thank God. And on tuesday, I had sushi - eating marathon with Alicia, Lynn, Soon Liang, Jeremy and Kai Li. :D Let me just elaborate what happened that day. It was way too happening. :X So the initial plan was to meet up at bedok mrt platform @ 1st cabin head of train. Since I was early, I alighted at bedok and waited for the rest. Managed to catch Soon Liang by the eye and walked to the 1st cabin together waiting for Lynn and Jeremy, while Alicia was already waiting for us at City Hall. Told Soon Liang that I'll make a call to Jeremy first, to check his location. Jeremy is one of the most stone friend I have. He has slow reaction to everything, but I guess he's cute that way. :x

So our conversation went like this -
Me: Hello Jeremy, where are you now?
Jeremy: Errr, I walking to find Lynn.
Me: Lynn? Are you both on the same train now?
Jeremy: Yes, I walking to find Lynn.
Me: okay, so which station is the train at ?
Jeremy: Huh? I walking to find Lynn on the train now.
Me: No, I said where's the train at now.
Jeremy: I dont know.
And Jeremy is on the train. I swear our conversation is Pure Joke, when he kept repeating the same thing.
Me: Can you look around and tell me which station is the train at now? Then Soon Liang and I will board your train.
Jeremy: Err, now going towards tanah merah.
I swear this lasted for a few minutes before I find out his location when usually we take less than a minute right? Met Lynn on the train easily when we boarded, and Jeremy was nowhere to be seen. Then Jeremy texted me : You sure you at the head of train? I dont see you all. Me: Yes, we met Lynn already. Anyway head of train to the direction of where it's going. I think you went tail instead. Jeremy: I walk over to meet you guys now. He's way too blur, but its funny. Ended up, he couldnt walk to the front to meet us because there were too many people. He texted me: we alight next stop then we meet and take next train! And the most failed part, I didnt see his text until he called us and asked where are we. Feel so bad, Sorry friend! :X

Met him and Alicia at City Hall instead, and went to Sushi Express. Cleared like 30 plates within first 15mins. The way we eat sushi was way too frightening, that I had this jaw-drop expression which Lynn laughed badly at. Had lots of fun eating sushi with this bunch of people, super enjoyable. For the first time, I felt like I'm really taking a break from everything but in SG, instead of traveling overseas. Finally, we cleared 82 plates just by 5 of us, and KaiLi ate 2 plates because she met us much later where we already stopped eating. Total sushi count: 84! But for pricing, its considered cheap because every plate of sushi was only $1.50, worth it. :) I think my new way to de-stress is to go for sushi marathon. :P Our next plan / outing has been confirmed on Cycling and Second round sushi marathon. This time, we are having 9 people, so our target aim for sushi count is : 200 plates. Sounds really exciting, really hope we can complete 200 plates. :D Shall update this empty space after next week's outing. Stay tunedddddddd. ;D

Unknown, no mercy

Sometimes, I get really scared when I see my friends changing without them realising it. They do stupid things, and get into a mess. In this position, I dont know if I should help or leave them to figure things out themselves, for I know this is gonna be part of 'growing up'. I'll just pray and hope for the best. :/
Had lots of things in my mind lately, now all becoming piles of problems. I wished for a simple life, but looking at the way things are, I know I'll have to go through this. It was never easy leading a life like mine, always getting caught in between my friends and their conflicts. Sometimes, I just get tired of trying, so I pretended that I dont know anything. Sorry to say, but its really energy draining on my part. And its not like I can help them forever isnt it ? These people need to know and learn what's best for them, then stay out of trouble. In times like this, I wished I had some medicine to cure my insomnia and stop all my dreams because I get way too worried about everything in the day.
For that, I'm thankful for a friend like Shafeeq at work. Realizing that I wasnt my usual hyper self at work yesterday, he texted me last night to ask me out for breakfast this Sunday before work, and offered to be my listening ear. And we're getting excited over the Mac breakfast, kids like us. :') Hopefully, he can offer me some good advice on these problems I'm having.
Two major decisions will be made tmr, and will change my life forever. So unprepared for it, but I'll still do it because its the only way things gets better for me, and they learn from mistakes. Might just mean the end of friendships, but its time to not be soft-hearted anymore. Hope I keep my courage and determination going so I'll pull through things tmr. Cross fingers. :x
Guess I wont elaborate on work here, since life had been pretty mundane. God bless me. Abrupt ending, bye readers. Till then. xx

Simplicity, no lies

Work for the past few days, and Saturday was a bad day. The fact that spy actually worked on Saturday and acted like she was a good friend of us, seriously turns me off. Maybe, she does all these backstabbing and acting all day thats why she dont find it a problem, being this way. And then, I overheard her conversation with Pl, about some work issues which further pissed me off. Through whatever she said, obvious showed that she had all this planned. She needs to stop denying and acting, here not mediacorp please. Thank God, she wont be working on Sundays, if not I'll probably just hate work like there's no tmr. On the other hand, there'll be lots of changes at work for me because some of my good friends are going over to PP branch. ): Then in may, Iris will be going back to China, so then there wont be much close friends left here in T1 branch. I'm now considering of either quitting this job, or request for transfer to ION. But of course, the problem will be about distance, and the transport fare, and no friends. :/  Hope school starts soon, so I wont have to face work in life for so many days. I miss having simple life, no lies, just good friends to confide in. Time to catch up on my dramas, I'll blog soon, I hope. (: