Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Hectic lifestyle

For the first time ever since school started, I took some time to blog! Just gonna say that I did one of the coolest thing ever last friday, which is to have a serious heart talk with a guy. Actually, this heart talk came about when I started to realise something about two of my close guy friends. A is one who I get to see every single day at school, but it seem like I dont know about him, neither does he know anything about me. On the other hand, I dont see B everyday, in fact I havent seen him or had meals with him for the past one week, yet he knows so much about me, that can include my personal problems. I just feel that things shouldnt be this way, its just strange.
To be honest, I was feeling super vexed about this, and stressed up about school. Seeing him everyday at school, yet not knowing what to say can be just so. disturbing? I just dont feel like talking at all. But, yes, he is one of the guys that I definitely enjoy talking to, sharing my problems etc. As he noticed the change of tone in my texts etc, I admitted that I was really vexed. Vexed over this, seriously. Finally after one whole hectic week of school, A waited for me up till 9pm in school. Reason being, he knew I needed to talk. Like talk this out, everything. Sat at the interchange and talked about almost everything and thereafter we both felt way better than before. I know his thoughts, his past etc.
Today, I met his friends and him at the bus stop while I was waiting for my bus to get home. Just so happen that throughout the whole bus journey, we didnt even talk at all since he was busy entertaining his friend. And oops, I was in a bad mood, didnt say anything and just got off the bus and speed walk to top up my card. Secretly prayed that he didnt notice I was angry, but obviously he did. Came right up behind me, and started complaining why I didnt bother picking up his calls when my phone was in silent mode. Then that boy pretended to be angry and started walking away quickly, when I'm supposed to be the one being angry. But I'm forever soft hearted, so I gave in. I pulled him back and made him talk. He started laughing and keep insisting that I was angry and then started throwing in chunks of explanations about what happened. Decided to forgive him and accompanied him to queue for the bus before heading home. Long day to survive tmr. I hope I can do this!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Not me

Just hang on and persevere. 3/4 more years to go, before I can finally start a new life. I can do this. Got to constantly remind myself, so I'll not think too much. Getaway will come soon, as much as I need it so badly right now. I just want to be alone and happy again, so at least life doesn't seem like its too torturous to live on. Maybe I just need some hope within myself. Had been having my meals all alone by myself. I prefer things to be this way. People might think that I'm lonely, but its my way of giving myself time and space to breathe and take things easy. I know I haven't been replying texts constantly, but I just don't want people to bother about me too much. I just hope some people stop asking questions, I just don't feel like saying anything now.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Start anew

I believe, my life had been really happening these two weeks. Had a fever, along with a really bad throat initially. Seen a doc, but medicine was useless, and then I lost my voice for two days. Felt really pathetic when I couldnt speak properly and my screams arent louder than people who talks with their normal voice. :/ Had to suffer with eating something light so my throat gets to heal faster. And when I tried to drink bbt, I was kinda stopped by 5 guys. Almost wanted to find a corner, squat there and cry. Hah, I pity myself. Then headed to see another doc for a better medicine, and doc fees exceeded 50 bucks. ): Money fly :x Lucky I recovered within three days and was finally back at work.
Work had been alright, except that it was really busy due to parkway's opening special promotion. Customers queued from the cashier all the way to the other end of the store. Scheduled to be at the cashier for the whole day was really stressful, when no matter how fast you tried to serve the customers, the queue just kept getting longer. Supposed to end work at 12pm on friday, but ended up extended work time till 7.30pm. It was a really tiring day at work, but time pass really fast when its busy. :) Headed to cold storage and got some gummies with Lynn before meeting Alicia for dinner. Had subway for dinner and finally headed home, and crashed after an hour of shower and tv.
Out on saturday with my cute mom for Kfc as late lunch before shopping last min for Stella's birthday present. Home at 7pm to study for my test before taking a shower and met Sibing at 8.30pm at the mrt station. Met her and went to Stella's advanced birthday chalet. Great catch up with the girls, and photo spam before we left the chalet and went home. Miss them so much! Totally need to plan another meet up with them soon. :) I predict I'm going to business school for lunch with those girls alot since most of us are studying at TP. ^^
Rise and shine early on Sunday morning, and prepared for swimming. Yes, I'm back to swimming lessons, because I'm going for the next award. Excited and nervous, yet determined to do well. :) Reached just on time for lesson, but I'm the first to reach in my class. Interesting. Did lots of laps for different strokes, and it was super tiring especially when I'm down with one arm. Coach realised that there was something weird with one of my arm, and asked about it. So I told him I injured my left elbow, probably some pain at the joint. He took a look at it, and let me take my time to do my laps. Nice guy! Lesson ended and went to wash up before getting my mac breakfast alone. Sometimes, I really like the feeling of being alone. It's the time when I can think of things, what I should, what I shouldnt and how to handle certain issues. I value my private time a lot.  Had breakfast and went for work. It was busy though it wasnt as busy compared to friday and saturday. Didnt exactly work with those who are close to me except for some, but I survived work anyway. Ended work at 12am, and went home. Took time to wash up some stuff, before a shower and supper. Finally crashed on bed at close to 2am. Mad tired. There's still work today to go, before I can get more sleep over the next few days. This week and next week gonna be another hectic week, with activities packed almost every single day. Parents' night perf, orientation camp, work, swimming, school, dance pracs, and school will officially start on 23 april. So not ready for everything that's about to come. In any case, pray hard that I'll survive these tough and busy times before school starts. A new life, and new beginning. Everyone fighting! ^^

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

I'm single

I hate it when people think that I'm attached/ in a relationship with someone, just because I'm out with a guy friend alone, or when I'm in physical contact with them, say punching them or something because we're just playing around. They are just my best friends who are always there for me when I'm down and out, when I needed encouragement and advices. I've already been mistaken that I was with 5 different guys just because I was hanging out with them. Gosh, I must have lots of boyfriends then. And usually, people who ask me things like : are you attached/ in a relationship/ he likes you/ you like him? , gets on my nerves a lot, because they are actually the ones who arent even close to me. Even IF I'm attached etc, I dont see a need to tell them. Merely just being kpo, trying to find topic to gossip about, then bitch about you behind your back. These people need to get a life and stop bugging me with all these stupid questions. To be honest, I'm not even interested in going on a relationship right now in life. I'm already tired of leading my life, why would I get a boyfriend then give him more burden? I just want to treat everyone as a friend or more, but definitely not getting together or smth. I seriously hope none of my guy friends treat me more than a friend, because that's when things starts to get complicated. #Just saying. So, after this, I hope everyone will stop assuming that 'Im attached', unless you catch me holding hands, hugging or kissing a guy with your own eyes ok. k, bye.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Mark my words

Dedicated to my #1 Buddy! -Inserts lots of hearts-
We started off as strangers, to good friends, and best buddies now. Its amazing how our friendship grew so much in such a short time, and I'm glad I met this awesome buddy. The one who takes the initiative to text me good morning, or leave me a text whenever I fell asleep the previous night before saying goodnight, to text him when I get up. The one who always ask if something happened whenever I'm not talking much. The one who spend his time understanding me, giving me space when I want to be alone. The one who understands my silence. The one who will spend time thinking of poems himself just to cheer me up with them. The one who would come all the way from the other side of SG, just to have breakfast with me before work. The one who rather sacrifice his sleep just because he wants to talk to me. The one who will be honest and tells me I'm important to him, and he miss me whenever he doesnt see me at work. The one who wants me to tell him everything and anything, so that we'll go through it together. The one who wants to send me to the clinic when I'm so sick to even move an inch. And of course the one who never fails to cheer me up with all the sweet words. This, is someone who had done alot for me, and I'm really thankful. :)
It's funny how we made a deal to sleep together at the same time, to be really honest to tell each other -I MISS YOU, how he said we will go through things together, I'm gonna spend more time with you and I WANNA BE THE REASON YOU SMILE. Sounded like he's my boyfriend, but I guess he's cute that way. He's gonna be someone I never want to lose. May our friendship last forever! :D

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Losing hope

Yesterday was one of the most horrible day at work. :/ Started running a high fever after dinner, and I was unfortunately scheduled to be at the front of the shopfloor for 4hrs straight. Fingers turned terribly cold that I cant feel my body temperature myself to judge that I was actually running a fever. My pale face and cold fingers got the attention of many of my colleagues who all took turns to touch my forehead and asked if I wanted to go home. The strange thing was asst.manager actually touched my forehead and said that I'm not having a fever. So, since there was nothing I could say, I just had to stayed till I end work. Last 2 hours before closing was the most horrible when my high body temp caused me a super terrible headache, and I had to attend to customers and greet them whenever they enter or leave the store with a super bad throat. Supposingly after I end work, I had to attend to the funeral with my siblings. Due to headache and high fever, I knew I needed to head home and rest. Ended up didnt attend funeral, and I'm all alone at home feeling bad about it. Thank God my dad came back last night and fed me panadol, my fever's gone, only left to suffer with a bad throat. I guess I'll head to bed for more sleep now. Need more hope for better things in life. Bye readers.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Its like a tattoo

I'm going through one of my toughest times right now, and things arent getting better. Honestly speaking, I wonder why I'm still living life when everything seem so bad that I cant even make myself think positively. I'm tired living life, living life this way in SG. I really want to getaway badly, all alone. Whatever that happened recently hit me hard, I feel like I can no longer hold everything in there as much as I know I cannot breakdown. You know how that feels? I'm keeping everything within myself and not let anyone worry about me, so I've not been talking much about everything that's affecting me. The lack of sleep, the stress and emotions I'm keeping within, affects my appetite too much that one meal is enough to last me the whole day when I usually take four meals a day. Sometimes, all I need is for people who I care about to care for me, to be there when I need someone to listen and hug me because they know how badly I need it as a form of encouragement. Enough said, I think I'm used to disappointments, heartbreaks and tears. No one ever appreciates and see the good side of me. Prepared to suffer from fatigue for the next three/ four days with work and funeral issues to handle. Just praying hard for nobody to notice my fake smile etc tmr at work. Nothing can describe how I feel now. When I needed someone to be there for me badly, think, where were you?