Its like a tattoo

I'm going through one of my toughest times right now, and things arent getting better. Honestly speaking, I wonder why I'm still living life when everything seem so bad that I cant even make myself think positively. I'm tired living life, living life this way in SG. I really want to getaway badly, all alone. Whatever that happened recently hit me hard, I feel like I can no longer hold everything in there as much as I know I cannot breakdown. You know how that feels? I'm keeping everything within myself and not let anyone worry about me, so I've not been talking much about everything that's affecting me. The lack of sleep, the stress and emotions I'm keeping within, affects my appetite too much that one meal is enough to last me the whole day when I usually take four meals a day. Sometimes, all I need is for people who I care about to care for me, to be there when I need someone to listen and hug me because they know how badly I need it as a form of encouragement. Enough said, I think I'm used to disappointments, heartbreaks and tears. No one ever appreciates and see the good side of me. Prepared to suffer from fatigue for the next three/ four days with work and funeral issues to handle. Just praying hard for nobody to notice my fake smile etc tmr at work. Nothing can describe how I feel now. When I needed someone to be there for me badly, think, where were you?